One of My Hobbies

To those of you who may not know, one of the things I like to do occasionally is write fake, humorous news stories.  At this point I have written eight of these fictitious reports, including headlines such as "Animal rights Group Pushes for Ban on Drain Pipes" and  "Competitive Paper Folding Added to Olympic Roster." I thought I would share one of my most recent stories with any of you who may want to read it, but don't have access to it on Facebook.

Left-handers Protest Discrimination

By Natalie Schneider

Big Blue Cow news, April 24, 2010

Left-handers converged on Washington D.C. today, to protest “the discrimination that they are confronted with everyday.” “You hear a lot about civil rights, and the rights of women,” one protester commented. “But you never hear anything about the rights of left handed people. We’re human beings to.” The protesters held aloft signs bearing sayings such as, “Why are we left out?” and “Handshakes are discriminatory!” during their march on the nations capital.

Joan Uvark, President of the People Against Left-handed Mistreatment  (PALM), expressed disgust at the discrimination she believes left-handers face, “do you realize how hard it is being left-handed, in a world full of right-handers?” Uvark asked. “As a child, I was the only one I knew that was left-handed, and I was made fun of my family and friends. I grew up thinking I was a freak of nature, and tried my best to hide my left-handedness from people. It wasn’t until I graduated, and discovered my roommate in college was left-handed as well, that I realized that there were others out there just like me.“ PALM was formed in 1997, by Uvark, and Dr. Michael Spalding, to “raise awareness about the plight of left-handed people around the nation.” They have held smaller rallies in various cities around the country, but never one as large as the protest in Washington. “It’s been great to see all of these left-handers come out and support the cause,” Alatheia Larsen, one of the protesters, said. “I so glad that there are so many people out there willing to speak up for this minority.”

But not everyone who is left handed supports this cause. Andrew Burke, a left handed lawyer from Bismarck North Dakota, doesn’t believe discrimination is as prevalent as is claimed by the protesters. Burke said in an interview with a Big Blue Cow news reporter that “The idea that left handed people are being discriminated against is ludicrous. As I grew up, I never had any problems with discrimination, in fact everyone though it was cool that I used a different hand to write with then everyone else. Sure there may be a few isolated pockets of discrimination. But as a whole, society is largely accepting of left handed people. There is no reason for the government to take any action on this issue, especially the drastic action proposed by PALM.” The “drastic action” that was referenced by Burke, is legislation currently being pushed by PALM.  H.R. 314, “the left-hander’s bill of rights” as some people call it, requires all companies that make products specifically designed for right handed people, to also produce products conducive for left-handed people.  “It doesn’t cover everything but it’s a start,” Uvark said. “Our entire society is built around right handed people. Our products, our utensils, and even our written language were created with right handed people in mind. Sure we may not be able to completely remove all discrimination against us today, tomorrow, or even in the next 50 years. But every little step forward, is a step in the right direction.”   

Until next time, au revoir.

~Nat 

What's in a Fairy Tale?

When I was a child, there was nothing I enjoyed more then a good fairy tale.  Truth be told...I actually still enjoy fairy tales.  The other day I went through YouTube and re-watched some of the old Disney princess movies.  But you'd be surprised to find out how far the versions we know and love today, differ from the original tellings.

I have this book, The Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things; and it tells about the origins of everything from Kleenex, to dentures. Including, the original versions of many fairy tales and nursery rhymes.  These stories are not what you'd expect from our familiar childhood friends.  In the original Goldilocks and the Three Bears "Goldilocks" doesn't have golden locks and is actually a homeless, grumpy, old women.  In Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,  the queen eats the "heart" of Snow White (For those of you that don't know the story, it wasn't really Snow White's heart, it was the heart of a pig that was substituted for Snow White's by the huntsman.) with a good deal of salt, and in the end the queen is forced to wear red hot shoes, and ends up dancing herself to death.  In Cinderella the step mother mutilates her daughter's foot to get it to fit into the shoe; and lets just say, that if the original Sleeping Beauty were to be made into a movie now a days, it would be rated R... 

For those people who say that children see way to much stuff today, and have become desensitized to all sorts of bad thing with all of the TV shows and movies they watch.  Try reading the original Little Red Riding Hood.

Until I write again, do svidaniya. (That's "good bye" in Russian)

~Nat

Surviving the ACT

Yesterday I had my first experience with standardized testing. I took the ACT for the first time, and let me just say, it was an interesting experience. I was extremely freaked out before hand. I was almost as worried as  I was when  I was waiting to find out if we broke, at St Louis. Thankfully there were a lot of people praying for me, and I was able to get to the test without fainting, or running for the border. It also helped that a friend happened to be taking the test on the same day, so her friendly face was able to keep me calm before the test started.

The test in and of it's self wasn't all that bad. In fact, (I know this'll sound crazy)  I actually kinda enjoyed it. Maybe it was the fact that it was sort of a challenge for me, and I really enjoy challenges; maybe it was my love of puzzles coming through as I tried to figure out the answers; or maybe I was so sleep deprived (I probably hadn't gotten to sleep till 2:00 the night before) that I was just starting to go insane. But what ever the reason, I don't think I'll be dreading as much next time.

I don't know how well I did on the test. There were a significant number of questions is the math and science sections that I just guessed on (B and J were my default letters when I was guessing). Thankfully this was only a practice for me, and whatever the results are, there are more test to take. I think this attitude of mine, and the knowledge that God was always in control,  helped me to detach myself from the test and keep me from having a nervous break down.

So now I've had my first experience with that great mystery known as standardized testing. Honestly, there has got to be a better way to do it. I mean first of all, why do they have to have us get up so early. Some of us don't function very well before 10:00 in the morning. Second, what is up with the time limits? How do they expect you to read, and figure out all those graphs, and still have enough time to answer the 40 questions they throw at you? Plus, they make you do math, in science. Honestly, I don't think it's fair to test you on the same subject twice.

Ah, well. It is what it is, and if I want to get into a good college, I'll have to put up with it. I just hope next time, I get more sleep.

Until I write again, au revoir.

~Nat